Margaret Aberdeen Embracing Change


When we are vulnerable, we find compassion for ourselves and we also find it for others

It took several life-threatening breakdowns to teach me how to really get to know who I am. During that time, besides having therapy and multiple medication being pumped into my body, I spent a lot of time with myself while recovering from cancer and an abusive relationship which almost killed me and instigated the tragic loss of my second son and my home. Listening to myself express my painful emotions, my deepest fears, I began to lose the fear of my own and my vulnerability. In fact, vulnerability came to me at a critical time and seem to be a mind saver, or better still a life safer. When we allowed it in ourselves, it gives us a chance to connect intimately with ourselves. I thought vulnerable was a weakness. I have learned that vulnerability is transparent and unknown and played a crucial part in getting to know myself by taking on responsibility as to how to respond to situations that arises in my life and towards others.

There is another aspect of this. It was being vulnerable that ignited me to be who I am and to find out what makes me tick. Being open and truthful to myself. I think the greatest barrier to freedom and happiness is being critical and the judgmental attitude towards ourselves.

I discovered another truth. When we are vulnerable, we find compassion for ourselves, and we also find it for others.

When I finally understood the truth in those words, it’s impossible to feel safe and protective all the time. In one way another we are all vulnerable. But it is how we deal with our vulnerabilities that we define our strength and our weaknesses. And while I know we can’t change the past I believe being a victim is a state of mind.

Looking back, the things I have learnt to make myself well have made me happier than I ever been. Here are some of them: I took responsibility for my own feelings – so I stop dismissing or dumping my past abusive relationships on others. My feelings belong to me, and it’s up to me as to how I response to them. Other people may have judge me, have an opinion or labelled me, and they are entitled to that. Above all I have to understand that I cannot change other people. The only person over whom I have any control is ME!

Follow my journey on
Twitter: @breakfreeDV

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